It’s a question that sits quietly in the back of my mind, surfacing when I least expect it. Why am I not in a relationship yet? There’s no shortage of reminders: the couples holding hands on the street, the endless rom-coms that celebrate the magic of finding « the one, » and even the well-meaning questions from friends or family—“So, are you seeing anyone?”

Sometimes, I feel like I have to justify my single status. I’ve told myself a thousand times, “It’s not the right time,” or, “I just haven’t met the right person.” But deep down, those reassurances don’t always quiet the ache. There are moments when the loneliness feels heavier than I care to admit, and I wonder, What’s wrong with me? Am I the problem?

I look back on the relationships that didn’t work out, the near-misses, and the connections that fizzled before they even had a chance to grow. Did I expect too much? Did I give too little? The questions swirl, and sometimes I get stuck in a loop of self-doubt.

But when I stop to reflect—really reflect—I realize that this time of waiting isn’t just empty space. It’s a season of learning, even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Being single has forced me to look inward, to ask myself questions I might not have faced otherwise: What do I want from love? What kind of partner do I want to be? What kind of life do I want to share with someone?

For so long, I thought of love as something I had to find—an elusive treasure waiting to be uncovered. But what if love isn’t about searching? What if it’s about becoming? Becoming someone who is whole, even without a partner. Becoming someone who loves their own company. Becoming someone who doesn’t just wait for love but builds a life that feels full and meaningful on its own.

I’ve come to understand that being single isn’t a flaw or a failure. It’s not a sign that I’m unworthy or incapable of love. It’s simply a part of my journey. And as much as I long for the companionship of a partner, I know that love—true love—can’t be rushed.

When I imagine the kind of relationship I want, I don’t picture someone to complete me. I picture someone who complements me. Someone who sees the cracks in my armor but doesn’t try to fix them because they know I’m strong enough to do that on my own. I picture a love that feels safe and expansive, a partnership where we both bring our whole selves to the table.

And maybe that’s why I’m not in a relationship yet—because I’m still becoming. I’m still learning how to show up for myself, how to set boundaries, and how to nurture the parts of me that I used to neglect. I’m still figuring out what I want my life to look like, so that when I do share it with someone, it’s a life I’m proud of.

This season of singleness isn’t always easy, and there are days when the loneliness feels overwhelming. But there are also days when it feels freeing—like I’m discovering parts of myself that I never knew existed. I’m learning how to enjoy my own company, how to find joy in the small moments, and how to build a life that feels rich and fulfilling, even without a partner by my side.

So, why am I not in a relationship yet? The answer isn’t simple, but maybe that’s okay. Maybe love isn’t about timelines or checkboxes. Maybe it’s about growth, timing, and trusting that the right person will come into my life when the stars align, when we’re both ready, and when our paths are meant to cross.

Until then, I’ll keep working on me. I’ll keep building a life that feels full, and I’ll hold onto hope that love will find its way to me when the time is right. Because I deserve a love that is real, deep, and lasting. And so do you. 💛

-With love, H.

And you tell me about your experience down below ?