Why am I always comparing myself to others? It’s a question that quietly lingers in the back of my mind, but its effects are loud. It starts small—just a glance, a thought, a moment of noticing someone else’s life. Then, before I know it, I’m lost in a sea of comparisons, questioning everything about myself. It feels like an automatic response, something I don’t even realize I’m doing until I’m drowning in feelings of inadequacy. But why do I do this? Why do I measure myself against other people’s lives, their successes, their appearances, and let it determine my own worth?

I think part of it comes from the world we live in. Everywhere I turn, I see images of “perfect” lives. Social media has a way of amplifying this—endless streams of people showcasing their best moments, their achievements, their beauty. It’s a highlight reel, but when I’m scrolling through, it’s easy to forget that. I start to think, “Why don’t I have that?” or “Why am I not as successful, as fit, as happy as them?” I compare my behind-the-scenes, my struggles, my insecurities, to their edited, filtered version of life, and in that comparison, I always come up short.

But it’s not just about what I see online. Even in everyday life, I find myself comparing. I see friends getting promotions, finding love, achieving their goals, and I wonder: Why am I not there yet? What am I doing wrong? It feels like I’m falling behind, like everyone around me is moving forward while I’m stuck in the same place. These comparisons feel so personal, even though I know they shouldn’t be. They make me question my own journey, my own worth, and that leaves me feeling empty.

I also think that, deep down, I’m seeking validation. I want to feel like I’m enough, like I’m doing something right, like I’m worthy. But instead of finding that validation within myself, I look to others to define my value. I compare myself to see where I stand, hoping that maybe, just maybe, I’ll measure up. But the truth is, comparing myself to others never brings the validation I’m looking for. It only amplifies my insecurities and leaves me feeling even more lost.

It’s exhausting, this constant cycle of comparison. It’s like running a race where I’m always behind, no matter how fast I go. And the worst part? There’s no finish line. The goalposts keep moving, because there will always be someone who seems to have more, who seems to be better in some way. I can’t win this race, because it’s not a fair comparison. I’m measuring myself against people who have completely different lives, different circumstances, different paths.

I’m learning that comparison is a thief. It steals my joy, my sense of self, my peace of mind. When I focus on what others have, I lose sight of what I’ve accomplished, of who I am. I overlook my own strengths, my own progress, because I’m too busy looking at someone else’s life. It’s like I’m devaluing myself before I even give myself a chance.

So, why do I compare myself to others? Maybe it’s because I’ve been taught, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, that my worth is tied to how I stack up against the people around me. Maybe it’s because I crave reassurance, and comparison seems like an easy, though flawed, way to get it. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t fully learned how to appreciate myself, to see my own value without needing to measure it against someone else’s.

But I’m trying. I’m trying to shift my focus inward, to recognize that my journey is my own. I’m learning that someone else’s success doesn’t diminish mine, and that just because someone else’s life looks different doesn’t mean mine is less valuable. I’m reminding myself that everyone has struggles and insecurities, even if they’re not visible. No one has it all together, no matter how it seems.

I’m also realizing that the things I admire in others—their confidence, their achievements, their happiness—are things I can cultivate in my own life. But it requires letting go of the need to compare. It means focusing on my own growth, on the things that make me happy, and finding gratitude for what I have. It means celebrating others without letting their success make me feel small.

It’s not easy. Some days, I still fall into the comparison trap. I still look at others and feel that familiar pang of envy, that sinking feeling that I’m not enough. But I’m learning to catch myself in those moments, to remind myself that my worth isn’t defined by anyone else. I’m enough as I am, in this moment, on this path. My journey is different from theirs, and that’s okay.

So, why am I comparing myself to others? Because I’ve forgotten that I’m already whole, already worthy. But I’m working on remembering. I’m working on finding peace in my own life, my own pace, my own way of being. And in that, I’m learning to let go of the comparisons, to embrace my own story, and to find contentment right where I am.

-With love, H.

And you tell me about your experience down below?