It’s a question I’ve asked myself countless times, usually in the dead of night when the world is quiet and my thoughts are loud. « Why do I hate myself? » The words echo in my mind, a relentless refrain that pierces through moments of silence and stillness. It’s a deeply personal and painful question, one that so many of us grapple with but rarely voice aloud.

Self-hatred is a heavy burden to carry. It’s a shadow that looms over our every thought and action, casting doubt and negativity on everything we do. It’s waking up each day and feeling like you’re not enough, like you’re a failure, like you don’t deserve happiness or love. It’s looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back at you, or worse, recognizing them and feeling nothing but contempt.

For me, this self-hatred didn’t spring up overnight. It was a slow, insidious process, built up over years of internalized criticism, societal pressure, and personal disappointments. Growing up, I was constantly comparing myself to others. Whether it was academic achievements, physical appearance, or social success, it always felt like I was falling short. I internalized these perceived failures, allowing them to define my self-worth.

Society doesn’t make it any easier. We’re bombarded with images of perfection, with messages that tell us we need to be thinner, smarter, more successful, more likable. We’re taught that our value lies in our achievements and our appearance, rather than in who we are as individuals. It’s no wonder that so many of us struggle with self-acceptance when we’re constantly being told that we’re not enough.

But perhaps the harshest critic of all is the one inside our own minds. The voice that tells us we’re worthless, that we don’t deserve love or happiness. It’s a voice that’s often born out of past traumas, negative experiences, and unresolved emotions. For me, it was the lingering effects of bullying, the sting of failed relationships, and the crushing weight of unmet expectations. These experiences planted the seeds of self-doubt and self-loathing, and over time, they grew into a tangled mess of negativity.

There are days when the weight of self-hatred feels unbearable, when getting out of bed seems like an insurmountable task. But in these moments, I’ve started to realize that the only way to combat this darkness is with kindness and understanding—towards myself. It’s a process, one that requires patience and effort, but it’s possible.

I’ve begun to challenge the negative thoughts that fill my mind. When that voice tells me I’m a failure, I try to remind myself of my accomplishments, however small they might seem. When it tells me I’m unlovable, I think of the people in my life who care about me, who see my worth even when I don’t. I’m learning to forgive myself for my mistakes, to see them as part of my growth rather than as defining features of my character.

Self-love is not an easy journey, and it’s not a straight path. There are setbacks and relapses, days when the old feelings creep back in. But I’m learning that it’s okay to have those days, that healing is not a linear process. It’s about progress, not perfection.

To anyone else struggling with self-hatred, know that you are not alone. Know that your feelings, as overwhelming as they might be, are valid. But also know that you have the power to change the narrative. You are not defined by your past, by your mistakes, or by the harsh words of others. You are worthy of love, kindness, and respect—especially from yourself.

Let’s take this journey together, towards self-acceptance and self-love. Let’s challenge the negative voices, both external and internal, that tell us we’re not enough. Let’s start to see ourselves for who we truly are—imperfect, but deserving of love and happiness. Because in the end, the most important relationship we’ll ever have is the one we have with ourselves. And that’s a relationship worth nurturing.

-Yours truly,

H.